[ It's strange for her to see him like this. Maybe just because they are so different in how they handle these things. She doesn't like not knowing what to do to make it better for him -- if he'd been like her, wanting someone to fight and yell at, that would've been easy. All she can do right now is listen, give him her company and her touch, for whatever that's worth. ]
[ Matt wants a target. He wants somebody to hit, something he can sink his fists into or at least a lead he can chase to figure out what the hell is really going on here. But he can't and won't turn that on her. It's not her fault he feels trapped and frustrated. It's not her fault he doesn't know where to start or go. ]
Until they drag him back, like they did me.
[ She helps calm him, at least a little. She's still there. And her gentle pressure at his temple is soothing whether he wants to be angry or not. He'd only ever intended to ask her to help him retrieve the car, not let her try to comfort him, with whatever scraps there are to offer. ]
[ She doesn't know why hearing him say that makes her pause for a half-beat, lips pursing a little bit. Maybe it's just a reminder of all the uncertainty, all the unknown possibilities of this place. What would have happened if she'd paid any attention the first time he'd been here? What would she do if he were next to go?
Lil exhales, trying not to let herself get unnecessarily worked up or too tense. ]
[ Her hesitation only frustrates Matt more, a little. Normally, when he needs to brood, he isolates himself for awhile. He'd only ever intended to ask her to help him retrieve the car, seeing as how he doesn't drive. And her frustration compounds his own, a little. ]
I don't think I know anything about what's going on.
[ She isn't very good at this. Talks like this. It's hard for her to express things in this subdued kind of way. And she doesn't know what to tell him, to make it better. ]
Well, it ain't like there's a lot t'do about it anyway.
[ She makes a point, but it's not the point she thinks she makes. But it's enough to make him think he's done here, that right now what he needs isn't comfort or sympathy, much as he appreciates hers. It's a good thing, really, that she offers it in the midst of their fighting. They're getting better at this. ]
You're right.
[ He sounds so calm when he says it, shifting back out of her lap to stand up once more. But he bends down and kisses her forehead, an instinctive and automatic gesture of affection. ]
Thank you, dear. I'll see what needs to be done to get the car on Monday.
[ It's honestly that calmness that worries her. She half wishes he would react in a tangible way, something she could see and understand. But he just leans to kiss her, that's all. ]
Hon -- [ She doesn't know what she means to say. After a slight hesitation: ] Look, I can get the car for you, if that helps.
[ Matt is already withdrawing into his own head, isolating his thoughts and his feelings. There's no point in burdening her with it, when his frustration and fury has nothing to do with her. He doesn't think that it must be unnerving, or upsetting.
She wouldn't like to hear what he thinks anyway. ]
You may have to, since I don't drive. Don't worry about it right now.
I am frustrated and pissed off and worried. I put a lot of faith and trust in Hank, and now he's gone. But there's nothing I can do about it yet. I'll have to live with it until that changes.
[ His hand between them, forestalling any argument. She makes a rational point, but Matt can't consign himself to just believing this is it, this is what they get. There has to be something to do. There has to be something, somewhere. ]
They're treating our lives like toys, Lily. Yours, mine, Hank's. Frank's. I can't just let that go.
[ And of course they're back to fighting again. But Matt knew that would happen when he brought up Frank. He'd intended to use it to put her in her place, shut down her argument. ]
[ That hurts. She meant it to hurt, and it does. But Matt at least doesn't flinch, or give way, even though he feels-- what? Slighted? Simply hurt at the thought of her half-assing their relationship, when Matt's tried his damnedest to do his best by her. Better than he's done for others. ]
[ She regrets it the moment the words are finished leaving her mouth. But there's no taking it back now. And a petty part of her only feels more aggravated that he gives her no visible reaction at all.
[ Oh, but that isn't fair -- him saying that, touching her like that. He must know how it would sway her. Soften her. Without even thinking about it, she reaches up to close her hand over his, pressing his palm more firmly against her face. Her eyebrows draw together, conflicted and frustrated, but still yearning. ]
[ They've barely touched each other since their fight. Matt knows there's good reason for it, given what usually happens when they initiate physical contact. The smallest touch can quickly get out of control. They have no control over it.
He wants to kiss her. It must show clearly on his face. ]
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[ It's strange for her to see him like this. Maybe just because they are so different in how they handle these things. She doesn't like not knowing what to do to make it better for him -- if he'd been like her, wanting someone to fight and yell at, that would've been easy. All she can do right now is listen, give him her company and her touch, for whatever that's worth. ]
'Least he's back home now, yeah?
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Until they drag him back, like they did me.
[ She helps calm him, at least a little. She's still there. And her gentle pressure at his temple is soothing whether he wants to be angry or not. He'd only ever intended to ask her to help him retrieve the car, not let her try to comfort him, with whatever scraps there are to offer. ]
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Lil exhales, trying not to let herself get unnecessarily worked up or too tense. ]
Y'don't know that'll happen.
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I don't think I know anything about what's going on.
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Well, it ain't like there's a lot t'do about it anyway.
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You're right.
[ He sounds so calm when he says it, shifting back out of her lap to stand up once more. But he bends down and kisses her forehead, an instinctive and automatic gesture of affection. ]
Thank you, dear. I'll see what needs to be done to get the car on Monday.
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Hon -- [ She doesn't know what she means to say. After a slight hesitation: ] Look, I can get the car for you, if that helps.
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She wouldn't like to hear what he thinks anyway. ]
You may have to, since I don't drive. Don't worry about it right now.
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Matt. Are y'gonna be okay?
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C'mon, Matt. Don't do that.
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I am frustrated and pissed off and worried. I put a lot of faith and trust in Hank, and now he's gone. But there's nothing I can do about it yet. I'll have to live with it until that changes.
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[ She knows it. ]
I get you're upset, but there ain't ever gonna be anythin' t'do about it. Even if he comes back, it ain't like y'can be sure he'll even remember.
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[ His hand between them, forestalling any argument. She makes a rational point, but Matt can't consign himself to just believing this is it, this is what they get. There has to be something to do. There has to be something, somewhere. ]
They're treating our lives like toys, Lily. Yours, mine, Hank's. Frank's. I can't just let that go.
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Finally, tersely: ]
Well, you're gonna do what y'want no matter what I say anyway.
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There are things I won't compromise even for you.
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[ Stubborn, hard-headed, and instinctively trying to level the playing field, to give back what she gets. Typical Lil. ]
Half makes me feel like I should've put less effort in t'bein' okay enough t'be happy with you after he left.
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That's your decision to make, Lil.
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Finally, a bit petulantly: ]
Well, I'm here, ain't I?
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[ Matt hesitates for a moment. Reaches back, and touches her face, very, very gently, his thumb stroking along her cheek. ]
And I want you to be here.
[ Even if they're fighting. Maybe especially then, however awful it is. ]
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I wanna be here too.
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He wants to kiss her. It must show clearly on his face. ]
All right, then.
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A bit distantly, after a beat: ]
I'll get the car t'morrow, if y'want me to.
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Thank you, Lil.