glassbox | IC CONTACT.

Ain't so bad. My feet're sore, but it could be worse.

[ A little pause. Then, after a beat: ]

I miss you.

I didn't go anywhere, Lil.

[ Another slight hesitation on her end. Then, as if to back out a little: ]

Well, I ain't see y'all day. [ Again, a beat. ] Flowers're nice.

No, I mean—

[ She does this, and she forces him to express his feelings more clearly, and be more open with her than he has with almost any other woman. And it's hard. ]

I miss you too. I hate fighting with you. [ The way they go out of their way to ignore each other, a sin he's just as guilty of. All that effort they put into having dinner together, having sex, suddenly evaporated. ] But I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere.

Edited 2015-02-08 05:41 (UTC)

I know.

[ Her voice is a little quiet. It's hard to say if that's because there's people from work around, or if there's some other reason for it -- something more emotional. ]

Y'still mad at me?

[ The million dollar question. ]

Hurt. [ Struggling with how to say exactly what needs to be said. ] Disappointed.

Matt.

[ Emphasis. As if to protest his disappointment in her. Because she hadn't meant to hurt him, not really, not the first time and not now -- but she's careless, and maybe that's just as bad. ]

Matt, y'know I wasn't... [ But it feels like an excuse, and she can't make herself finish trying to justify anything. ]

[ But what she wasn't, he's not sure he knows anymore. ]

I love you so much. [ Because he doesn't know what else to say. It's still true, underneath all the frustration, grating against his ribs when he says it. ] And I know you love me. I know it wasn't—

[ Matt stops, his breath catching on the other end of the line while he struggles to think of a word. ]

Malicious.

[ It should be a greater comfort -- those words, the fact that she knows it's true too, that they love each other, maybe too much sometimes. But somehow, it seems to make her feel a little worse. She isn't so naive as to think love can fix anything, but it hurts her, that she can be so ugly with someone she cares about so desperately.

At length, a bit subdued: ]

I was scared. I thought maybe if I told y'right then, it'd be too much for us. With everythin' else. Maybe y'won't believe me -- but I didn't wanna fight.

[ Likewise, he tastes bile at the back of his throat, at the thought of losing his temper at her in the face of her fear. He should have held it together better. He shouldn't have let her get under his skin to the point where he couldn't deal with the matter reasonably. ]

You know I can hear your heartbeat over the phone?

[ There's that vulnerable feeling again. It's hard to feel vulnerable in public. ]

Guess I know now. [ She tries to sound more fine than she is, despite that knowledge. ] What's it sound like?

[ He wishes he could say this to her face. ]

Believable.

[ It should be a relief. And it is, in a small way. She should take that with grace, take this opportunity to mend things between them -- but it's hard, when talking on the phone just makes her more aware of the physical distance between them, and the imbalance... How much he gleans just from talking to her like this, when she's sitting there, trying to guess from his tone.

Finally, a bit distantly and a bit tiredly: ]

'Least y'don't really have t'trust me when y'can always sense if I'm tellin' the straight truth.

[ Good job, Murdock. Just step in it a bit more, why don't you? This is why it's better to keep some things a secret, maybe...but isn't that how they got here in the first place? Isn't that what all their fights have been about? Secrets? ]

That's not how trust works, Lil.

I know that.

[ Her words come plainly, honest if a bit weary. ]

An' I know I ain't the most trustworthy person either.

That's not what I think.

[ Of course he loves her. He trusts her, to some extent. She loves him too. That's something he can put his faith in. ]

But I think we both have a problem with secrets.

There's jus' things I ain't ready t'talk about.

I know. [ And he never wanted to force her hand. ] But I don't think we can avoid talking about some things anymore.

Which things?

Greece. [ A long pause. ] Daredevil.

[ She hesitates too. Without meaning to, she tenses up a little, just thinking about it. ]

Not now. Not over the phone.

[ But maybe that's just a ploy on her part, however unconscious -- to avoid it. To put it off longer. ]

No. You're at work.

[ And he can't do that to her, because he knows, one way or another, that the conversation would either make her lose her temper or leave her in tears. ]

Not even tonight. We need to...be okay, first.

[ A little relief, then. ]

Okay. [ That, she can live with. She'll confront this when she has to. ] Guess I'll... See y'at home then.

[ It won't last forever. He's got at least some guarantee, now, and he's not going to let this go.

But he feels too guilty about how he'd hurt her to bring it all up now. ]

I love you, Lil. And I do trust you.

[ That should be comforting. And it is. But there's also this tiny twinge of guilt. ]

Love you too, Matty.

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notdaredevil - 2015-02-11 16:02 (UTC) - Expand