[ she lets out a little bit of a breath, reaching over to smooth his air out for him in brisk pushes of her hands. she's fussing now, because there's nothing else she can do right now, and there's nothing that frustrates her more than powerlessness. ]
Ain't nothin' t'be afraid of. [ it's hard to say if she believes that or if it's bravado. in the moment, maybe she means it. ] You're gonna be fine.
[ another exhale. then she's putting her hands on his shoulders, leaning down so she can look him in the eyes. her lips are pressed thin for a moment, but the other lines of her face stay soft, her expression made gentle instead of stern by her affection. ]
Hon. What're y'gonna do if y'find him? If y'ask him t'come back an' he says no? Nelly, I love you, but y'ain't got a spine with that man.
[ she lets go. ]
I'm gonna look for him. You're gonna call Rick. An' then you're gonna stay right here an' wait for me.
[ She's right, of course; Nelson can't argue that fact, nor is it even the first time someone's said it to him. He rubs his eyes with his hand slowly, lowering his head. ]
Maybe I could make him listen. [ He doesn't sound like he believes it. ] He should know that I'm willing to change, if that... if that's what it takes, I don't think he'll listen to you. He doesn't trust anybody, he gets especially stubborn with people he doesn't like.
[ He goes quiet a moment, then with tired curiosity: ]
[ the question is a bit earnest, a bit concerned -- like in her mind, she has trouble fathoming him being alright, with the way things are right now. like she thinks unless she forces something to happen, it's not possible. because in his position, she'd be crazy, screaming, manic -- lost. and "all right" just wouldn't seem real. ]
Don't that make it harder? I mean -- the first time, y'didn't know. What livin' without him would be like.
[ maybe that wasn't the right thing to say. she stops -- she makes herself stop, consciously reining herself in a little again. she isn't sure how to express all the things she's feeling quite right.
finally: ]
Y'gotta get back up from this. I need y'here, hon.
[ she doesn't mean to sound aggressive -- but in her gut, she feels so violently that he's wrong, this isn't his fault, it's that bastard, and she really will have a go at him if she finds him first --
there's an intensity in her face that's terrifying, lingering there in her expression for a long moment before it softens into something else. ]
Stop -- sayin' that. You're the sweetest damn man I know. So don't make me slap some sense into you. I mean it.
[ Her sharpness of tone drives him to flinch slightly; he glances away, worrying his robe sleeves between his fingers. He doesn't want to argue, he's torn enough on how he feels about Hooded Justice -- is he angry with him, is he in love with him, is he worth it or is he a cad, or all of the above -- to vocalize his thoughts rationally even on a good day. ]
I'm going to lie down until it's late enough that I can give Rick a call. I'm sorry to get you out in the middle of the night.
[ it looks like she might push the issue, for a second -- the tension in her body or in her face, maybe. but the moment passes, and she lets it go. at length, all she does is reach out to briefly touch his shoulder, answering simply: ]
Stop apologizin'. I'd be pissed if y'didn't call me. Go rest. I'll come by t'check on y'later, alright?
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Ain't nothin' t'be afraid of. [ it's hard to say if she believes that or if it's bravado. in the moment, maybe she means it. ] You're gonna be fine.
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[ He doesn't necessarily sound convinced, but he'll be obsessing the rest of the night if he decides to keep dwelling on it now. ]
Do you think I should look for him? [ He's not sure if he wants to, but he's curious about what Lil thinks. ] Tomorrow?
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Hon. What're y'gonna do if y'find him? If y'ask him t'come back an' he says no? Nelly, I love you, but y'ain't got a spine with that man.
[ she lets go. ]
I'm gonna look for him. You're gonna call Rick. An' then you're gonna stay right here an' wait for me.
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Maybe I could make him listen. [ He doesn't sound like he believes it. ] He should know that I'm willing to change, if that... if that's what it takes, I don't think he'll listen to you. He doesn't trust anybody, he gets especially stubborn with people he doesn't like.
[ He goes quiet a moment, then with tired curiosity: ]
Are you coming back?
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[ her answer is immediate, certain. times like this, at least if she can't be steady for herself, she can be steady for someone she cares about. ]
Someone's gotta make sure you're takin' care of yourself. It'll give me some peace a'mind anyway.
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[ He tries to smile reassuringly. ]
I'll be all right.
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[ the question is a bit earnest, a bit concerned -- like in her mind, she has trouble fathoming him being alright, with the way things are right now. like she thinks unless she forces something to happen, it's not possible. because in his position, she'd be crazy, screaming, manic -- lost. and "all right" just wouldn't seem real. ]
Really, hon?
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[ He hesitates, biting his lower lip and looking at his feet in mild, tired distress. ]
...Well, I haven't figured it out that far yet. But I will.
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[ maybe that wasn't the right thing to say. she stops -- she makes herself stop, consciously reining herself in a little again. she isn't sure how to express all the things she's feeling quite right.
finally: ]
Y'gotta get back up from this. I need y'here, hon.
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I don't deserve him. I really don't. It's all my fault what happened back then, and this time I know I must have drove him away.
[ He swallows slowly, looking at her. It's a long, silent couple of moments before he finally goes on. ]
I'm not going anywhere.
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[ she doesn't mean to sound aggressive -- but in her gut, she feels so violently that he's wrong, this isn't his fault, it's that bastard, and she really will have a go at him if she finds him first --
there's an intensity in her face that's terrifying, lingering there in her expression for a long moment before it softens into something else. ]
Stop -- sayin' that. You're the sweetest damn man I know. So don't make me slap some sense into you. I mean it.
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I'm going to lie down until it's late enough that I can give Rick a call. I'm sorry to get you out in the middle of the night.
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Stop apologizin'. I'd be pissed if y'didn't call me. Go rest. I'll come by t'check on y'later, alright?
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I appreciate it. Get some rest yourself. It'll make me feel better.